There’s a lot of talk these days about “comparison” and how unhealthy it is. When we compare ourselves to others, whether they’re a close friend or a distant celebrity, we’re setting ourselves up for unhappiness.

Yes, “comparison” is talked about a lot these days. But there’s another word, an uglier word, that doesn’t get quite as much acknowledged attention.

Jealousy.

Jealousy is the evil stepsister of comparison. We’re all willing to address “how to fight comparison,” but we’re unwilling to talk about what comparison really is: being jealous of what someone else has.

As much as we try to ignore comparison and jealousy, it’s hard to completely eliminate them from our lives. And social media certainly doesn’t help. Due to platforms like Facebook and Instagram, we’re bombarded by images and status updates from our friends, and even strangers, about their lives and their achievements. Not to mention our daily dose of celebrity news contributing to our perception of what’s “real” and “normal.” The result in either case is that we end up feeling like we don’t measure up — like we could be happier/better/skinnier/prettier, if only we had what this person or that person has.

You can see how the act of comparison and being jealous is detrimental to our happiness.

So the next time you feel an internal trigger of jealousy, halt your negativity spiral in its tracks, and take these proactive steps to fighting jealousy.

Prevent jealousy

One of the best ways to fight and prevent jealousy is to cut it off as much as possible at the source. As the saying goes, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” and that certainly applies to jealousy as well.

The best way to prevent jealousy is to remove the need to be jealous: to become completely, and totally happy with your own life and gifts.

Simple enough, right?

I know, I know… WAY easier said than done.

But there’s a funny thing that happens once you even start doing to work to focus on and improve your own life… you start to realize how wonderful your life actually is. You start to add up all the things you have to be grateful for. When your gratitude increases, your self-confidence grows as well.

There’s a quote I love that articulates this concept perfectly:

A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms.

To prevent jealousy, stop focusing on others, and focus on yourself. Focus on watering and tending your own garden. Your life is awesome, and you are blessed. You may just need to do the extra work to remind yourself of that from time to time.

Fight jealousy

When jealousy does inevitably arise in our own lives, there are a few things we can do to fight it. If I find that something is really nagging me – maybe a colleague just posted on Facebook about a role she recently was offered in a play – I try to take a step backward to understand why I’m feeling jealous. Here are three questions you can use to fight and disempower jealousy in your own life:

Why am I feeling jealous?

Sometimes the best place to start is the most obvious. When you encounter something that makes you feel jealous, take a moment and honestly ask yourself why you’re feeling jealous. Is it because of the person? Is it because of a recent personal development in your life? (Example: maybe you just got out of a serious relationship, and you were surprised with news of a close friend’s engagement). Is it because you’re just generally not happy with your life at this moment in time, and honestly, anything would set you off?

Being mindful of your own feelings and current state can help you decipher where your feelings of jealousy are coming from. Sometimes just understanding the root is enough to help jealous feelings subside.

Is this something I even want?

This is the big question: when you see something that prompts jealousy in your own life, ask yourself: is this something I even want for myself? Or am I just being jealous right now for the sake of being jealous?

If the answer to this question is “yes” – you DO want to manifest this jealousy-inducing situation in your own life, then great! Do something about it. Taking action towards going after something that you want is 100% within your power and responsibility.

If the answer to this question is “no” – then you’re free. Jealousy has lost its power over you, since after some brief reflection, you’ve realized this isn’t even something you want anyways. Phew!

Is there something in my life right now or in the future that’s comparable to this? 

Sometimes, jealousy arrives out of timing. In the previous example I gave, when I get jealous over news of a friend’s recent acting gig, sometimes all I have to do is ask myself: “well what do I have coming up to look forward to?” And then I remember, “oh yeah, I have this AWESOME role lined up!” or “I have this exciting audition next week,” or even, “Well, I may not having any gigs right now, but I am getting to spend a lot of fulfilling time at home with my family, and that’s enough for me right now.” Taking stock of your current situation (again: focusing on YOU) can help you realign your priorities.

Embrace jealousy

We’re going to end this article with a little bit of cold hard truth about jealousy:

It’s important to realize there will always be people smarter, more talented and luckier than you.

This is a good thing.

It gives you something to work for.

If you’re jealous of the job your friend just got, go out and do the prep and work you need to do to get that same or a similar job. If you’re jealous of the achievement your old high school classmate posted about on Facebook, make a list of your OWN goals and figure out an action plan for achieving them.

You are responsible for your own happiness. You are responsible for how you react and conduct yourself in the face of challenges. Jealousy is a challenge, but as the saying goes, “Life is 10% of what happens and 90% of how you react to it.”

Choose to react positively and you will live positively.