You can probably recall a time in your life where you were doing a TON – at work, at home, in your personal life – that should have made you feel proud and accomplished, but instead, left you feeling kind of empty and dissatisfied.

I know I can.

I can remember so vividly when I first had this realization. I was, on paper, “crushing it,” as the kids say these days. I was getting SO much done every day – between planning my wedding, holding down a full time job, running 2 “side hustles” (including trying to grow Poised & Professional), pursuing professional performance gigs, and you know, being a HUMAN, I had a lot on my plate. I made lists. I crossed them off.

…And I yet was so unhappy.

I was stressed all the time, and even though I was being productive and balancing the crazy workload that had become my life, at a deeper level, something was missing. And it took me longer than you would think (and than I’d like to admit) to realize why: I wasn’t spending time on the things that MATTERED. If you look at this list above, I didn’t include: spending time with my family, making time for my relationship, keeping in touch with my friends, nurturing my relationship to God, appreciating all that I had… the really important things.

Does this sound familiar to you too?

Your Daily Tasks Matter

It took me a while to realize it, but all that time I was spending “head down” each day: cranking out work, checking off action items on my list, running errands, in hopes that once I finished these tasks THEN I’d be able to grab dinner with my fiance/call my family/read that book I’d been meaning to start/etc… WAS MY time to spend.

In my brain, my thought process was: Once I finished the things I had to do, then I’d be able to do the things I want to do.

There’s a great quote from Eckhart Tolle that says, “The power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present.”

Translated to high-performer language: Our tasks make up our days, our days make our lives.

…So don’t you want to make sure you’re spending your life in a way that honors the things you really care about?

Of course you do.

But, like many things, it’s easier said than done. And the best way to start is by being completely honest with yourself.

Do you like the way you’re spending your days? Are you making time for the things that are really important to you?

If not – change it.

How to Live a Life You’re Proud Of

To start living a life you’re proud of, the first thing you need to do is take back control of your time.  It’s the most precious resource you have, but all too often we “waste” it doing things because we’re stuck in a pattern of doing things that we feel like we HAVE to. 

I have found two really solid strategies that have personally helped me take back control of my time, and live my life in a way that aligns with that matters most to me.

Ask yourself: “Is this something I want to do?”

This first strategy is simple to explain, but hard to execute.

How many times have you said yes to going to grab drinks with a friend, even though you were so tired and exhausted from your day and you just wanted to go home and put your feet up with a glass of wine and your favorite Netflix show? Or have you ever committed to plans several weeks in advance, but when the time comes, you’re just not feeling up to it?

Listen to (or read) this next statement carefully: You are allowed to say “no.” 

Normally, I’m all about saying “yes.” Saying “yes” to new opportunities and experiences, being challenged to step outside your comfort zone, live spontaneously. But in this case and in the name of self-care, sometimes we all need a little reminder that it’s okay to say “no” to protect our time.

Complete this quick exercise for me: Depending on when you’re reading this post, think back on either the day before (if you’re reading this post in the morning), or on your current day (if you’re reading it at night). What did you do? How did you spend your time? Was it mostly on things that – really – you didn’t want to do? Were you running around, crossing items off a list? Doing this thing for that person, this thing for that OTHER person… and not much for you at all? If you’re like most women, the answer to that question is probably “yes.”

I want to challenge you here: The next time someone asks you to do something, take at least 30 seconds (or longer if it’s over text or email!) and think carefully before responding. If they’re asking you in person, just respond with a simple, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” Ask yourself: Is this something you want to do? If not, say no. You’re ALLOWED to say no when you’d rather not do something. As women, sometimes we need a reminder of that!

Define and live by your priorities

Another strategy I’ve really taken to heart for helping you take control of how you spend your time and live a life you’re proud of is to identify and truly live by your priorities.

What are your values? What are your biggest priorities in life? Some common answers might be: your family, your marriage, your health and wellness, your spirituality, your job, one of your passion projects, your education, and serving others.

Whatever they are for you, these should guide all the decisions you make on a daily, weekly, and yearly basis. Period.

I have realized that all stress and anxiety stems from living your life out of sync with your values and priorities. When you don’t respect your priorities (and the order they fall in), this leads to disharmony and discord in your life.

Here’s a personal example:

The above is a list of my priorities. I keep it on my desk as a reminder to guide everything I do throughout the day.

I find that I experience severe stress and anxiety when I put things that are lower on the list (or not even on the list), above my highest priorities. Like when I overload myself with acting work, and am not able to spend a healthy amount of time with my husband and family. Or when I get wrapped up in temporary money-making opportunities, but neglect my greater passion of creating education materials for Poised & Professional that I know will make a difference in people’s lives.

Maybe this is happening in your own life too. For example, are you logging long, high-output hours at work, and keeping a healthy interaction with friends and family, but still feeling discord and stress? Identify what’s missing that’s important to you. Maybe you know you’re not taking care of yourself physically and mentally the way you need to. Or you’re not pursuing work that fulfills you at a deeper level.

Identify what your values and priorities are, and live by them. Every day. 

Furthermore, living your life in accordance with your true values is the only way to build self-confidence and self-esteem. As Brian Tracy, personal development speaker and expert says:

“Living your life consistent with your deepest values is essential for you to enjoy high self-esteem. People who are clear about what they believe in and value, and who refuse to compromise their values, like and respect themselves far more than people who are unclear about what is really important to them.”

When you live your life in accordance with your deepest values and priorities, your self-esteem, fulfillment and pride can’t help but increase.

Want to jump-start living a life you’re proud of? Sign up for our #35DaysofConfidence Challenge to rediscover your confidence from the inside out with five weeks of transformative habit-building exercises.