Where does confidence come from?

I get this question a lot – both in person, via email, and I see it ALL over the place (you probably do too!)

Because everyone wants to be confident, right? Everyone wants to be able to access that feeling of true pride and ferocity and fulfillment that comes from being totally and completely confident in who you are.

The good news is: this is totally possible.

You just need to have the right tools to adjust your mindset and your actions.

Because just like riding a bike, or learning a new language, confidence is a learned skill. Even if you don’t feel confident, or if your self-esteem is low, you can always, always, always improve your confidence in yourself.

There’s a quote I love to reference that explains this concept so well:

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” – Anna Freud

Confidence comes from within you. We may think that “if only I lost weight” or “if only I had a boyfriend” or “if only I had my dream job,” THEN I could finally be confident…

But this is not how confidence works, folks.

So the question still remains – how can you actually BECOME more confident? If it is truly a learned skill and it comes from within (meaning you have everything you need to be confident in this very moment) – then how do you activate it?

There are a few things that I’ve learned about confidence over the years that I KNOW to be true.

You cannot have confidence without authenticity. 

What do I mean by that?

In short, the only way to be truly confident, is to be true to who you are – to embrace the things that make you different, the things that make you special, the things that make you like NO ONE else.

And I can personally attest to this.

I have always been a confident person – I guess you could say it’s my super-power. And I attribute that to three main things – my upbringing, my training as a performer, and my work in corporate marketing for 8+ years.

But it wasn’t until about 2 years ago, when I started pursuing my passions, that this really all locked into place for me. 

Up until about 3 years ago, I had been working pretty consistently as a marketer, and doing well for myself! And about 3 years ago I started working for a guy named Brian Tracy who is a long-term leader in the personal development & time management space.

And this kick-started a HUGE journey for me – realizing that there was entire industry devoted to helping people change their lives for the better. And working with Brian, as well as other personal development experts like Jack Canfield – coauthor of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series – and helping to build their programs, run their marketing efforts and understanding what it TOOK to really make positive, proactive change in people’s lives… it was a turning point for me. Realizing that someone could make a living – a really GOOD living – from helping others. Studying Jack Canfield’s work also really instilled in me a deep desire to figure out my purpose – my unique reason for being.

It was ALSO around this time that I started rediscovering theatre and performing. I started taking dance class again, and I slowly started to realize that San Diego, where I live, has a very rich arts and theatre scene.

So I started to do some research, and I discovered an audition for a local production of A Chorus Line, and I was SO excited, motivated, inspired even! I went to dance class, partnered up with a vocal coach and prepared for this audition… and I got the part.

And what I found as I was doing this show was life-changing— really.  I felt alive. Everything that I had been searching for hopping from job to job – that fulfillment aspect? It was right here. Doing this show put EVERYTHING into motion for me. Connecting with my forgotten passion and performing in this show kicked off a real life-changing journey for me – a realization that it’s important to make time for the things that feed your soul.

And I started to pursue more theatre & professional acting work, doing what I LOVED – I started to encounter more and more opportunities
(And this is something that I believe wholeheartedly – when you start to do the work that you were put on this world to do, the universe will send an ABUNDANCE of opportunities your way).

This kicked off a crazy journey for me that has lead me here – to EXACTLY where I want to be, and where I feel like I’m truly living my purpose and doing my best work. I know exactly who I am and what I want. 

How do you find “authenticity?”

The best way to find authenticity in your life and your inner confidence is by spending the time to self-discover. And here’s what I mean by that. Figuring out: what makes you happy? what do you want? what is important to you? what are your values? what are your strengths? your passions?

In short: Who ARE you? And what do you want?

These two questions, I have found, are paramount in discovering your true confidence. Regardless of what you want to do, who you want to become, and what your hopes and dreams are, confidence WILL help get you there. Because true confidence comes from knowing exactly who you are, and what you want in life, and then fiercely pursuing it.

What I have found over the last two years is that there’s a real sense of confidence that comes from using your talents, using your gifts, and doing work that fulfills you. And whether you know what those talents are and you aren’t sure how to use them, or you’re still in your discovery process I’m here to help.

Want to hear me share these discoveries in person? Check out the video below!