“So, what do you do?”

It’s an innocent enough question, and one that gets asked in the majority of introductory conversations (specifically in the United States – I’ll explain). But the implications of your answer to this question and how you choose to explain “what you do” are great – perhaps greater than we realize.

Why We Ask This Question

We are human beings, and as human beings our nature is to explore and to recognize. When we ask someone “what do you do?” – We’re essentially trying to put them in a box that we understand. To give them a label and put them on a mental shelf in our brain. To give them some sort of identifier or classification in our mind of who that person is – to be able to better understand them, and remember who they are. Perhaps we’re also trying to create a connection of something we have in common and find common ground through which we can connect with this person. Either way, the question “what do you do?” is limiting. Here’s why:

An interesting thing is that this question is asked by way of an introduction more in the United States than anywhere else in the world. A 2014 poll found that 55% of Americans found their sense of identify from their job (Shine). A unique culture has developed in the U.S. where we associate “job” with “identity.” It’s become the way we classify, and even evaluate others.

And this is kind of a shame!

Tying someone’s value to their “job” – to the way the make a living – is not always the most accurate indicator of who they are as a person. In some cases, sure, this may be true! But for most of us – I’d argue that your primary job is not the first mask you want to put on when given the choice of how you want to represent yourself to the world.

This is why the idea of identity is so important.

Who are you?

Your answer to this question is important – but it’s more important to YOU than it is to anyone else. You need to decide for YOURSELF who you are. Not for the guy you’re networking with, not for the person you just met, not for ANYONE else. For you.

Because having an authentic, connected understanding of who you are at your core, and being able to confidently express that to others is one of the most liberating feelings you can ever experience. When we act truthfully in accordance with our deepest sense of self, we can’t help but feel an internal sense of harmony. Everything “feels right” and we become confident and happy in knowing that we are showing our true selves to the world!

But back to the question at hand… When someone asks you, “So… what do you do?” How do you answer them? How should you answer them?

What Do You WANT to Be Doing?

There are many different ways to answer this question, but my best recommendation for creating an authentic, actionable answer is leaning towards your goals and ideals.

Let’s imagine for a second that you are living your dream life. You have your dream career, your dream relationships, your dream house, your dream EVERYTHING. In this life – “what do you do?” How do you spend your time? When you’re given the choice to do whatever you want – what do you do? What makes you feel happy and fulfilled?

Tailoring your answer in this way will give you a boost of happiness every time you speak this truth out loud. It feels good to speak honestly about the things that you want (and if you’re not doing this a lot right now – try it! I promise it will change your mindset, mood and outlook on the world). All it requires is a little bit of bravery to put it out there.

This technique also works well by way of manifestation. The most successful people in the world think and talk about what they want ALL the time. And you should be doing the same! If you want to become a full-time artist, who makes a living from creating art for others – SAY THAT’S what you do. If you want to become an online entrepreneur who travels the world and “works from anywhere” since you have the working freedom to do so – SAY THAT. If you have a dream for yourself that you’re excited about – SAY THAT!

The more you create a habit of consistently talking the things that you want, and how you want to proactively reshape your life into one that you love, the more you are putting it out into the universe that it will happen. You never know: in a random conversation where you do so, you may end up a creating a connection that will help move you forward in a way you never imagined! For example: if your dream is to become a fashion designer, and you begin telling people that that’s “what you do” – who knows, you may find yourself in a conversation with exactly the right person to give you your first real job!

P&P Tip: If you want it, talk about it. ALL the damn time!

A quick disclaimer…

It should probably be clarified that if you find yourself at a professional networking event (for work), and you LOVE your work and how you’re making a living, then, sure, be honest and proud about what you do as it relates to your job! If you’re a data analyst and you LOVE it – say that! If you’re a data analyst but you’re also passionate about sculpture and love making art when you’re not at the office – say that!

Why You Should Stop Asking People: “What Do You Do?”

Here’s the thing about the seemingly harmless question “what do you do?” (or “what do you do for work?”)…

Bottom Line: You are more than just your job.

We all are! And in most cases, the job that people have, isn’t necessarily the job that they want… When you continue to ask people “what do you do” – you may be subtly reminding them that they’re not where they want to be, which can seriously decrease your likability. Yikes!

Here’s an example: For so long, when I was in my early 20s and working full-time at a marketing agency, when people asked me, “What do you do?” I’d respond, “Oh, I work in marketing.” And there was always kind of a sense of “brushing off” my answer. Like, “Oh, I just work in marketing. It’s what I do for work, but it’s not what defines me, and it’s not important.” Almost as if I was embarrassed to be sharing it? (If that makes sense!)

Questions to Ask Instead of “What Do You Do?”

To improve your likability, have better, more connected conversations, and foster growth and happiness in those around you, here are some questions you can ask others instead of “what do you do?” the next time you find yourself in a scenario where you’re meeting lots of new people:

• What are you working on right now?
• Are you working on anything you’re excited about right now?
• What do you like to do?

Try out those questions instead, and see how it changes the nature of your reactions. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised!