Charisma. Confidence. Likability.

These are all desirable traits – both in the workplace, and in life in general! Can you recall ever meeting someone, or seeing someone speak and just thinking, “Wow, I really like that person.”

The thing is – the quality of being “likable” is totally learnable. It’s all a matter of using specific physical gestures, postures and communication tactics to improve your likability and charisma in the eyes of others.

What is Charisma?

“Charisma” is the quality of being liked and admired by others. That’s how I have always viewed charisma. Here are some other definitions of charisma:

“Personal charisma is a constellation of complex and sophisticated social and emotional skills. They allow charismatic individuals to affect and influence others at a deep emotional level, to communicate effectively with them, and to make strong interpersonal connections.” -According to Psychology Today

“According to an evolutionary theory proposed by a pair of psychologists, charisma is the ability to convince followers that you can get other members of a wider group to cooperate.” -According to The Atlantic.

Although there are many different definitions of charisma, Psychology Today also lists a few commonly agreed-upon components:

• Emotional and social expressiveness: Being a good, compelling storyteller, and the ability to bring positive energy into a room
• Emotional and social sensitivity: Being able to exhibit and demonstrate empathy
• Emotional and social control: Being able to control emotions and show poise in all situations

These are all key elements of becoming a “charismatic” person.

Why Does Charisma Matter?

In short, having charisma means that you are able to influence others in a positive way, and are better able to get what you want, either on a personal or professional level.

…So you can see how powerful this is! Essentially, having charisma is like having a special super power – a power that can be used for good, or for evil. (Yes, really!) Some of the worlds most successful and positively influential people, like Oprah, John F. Kennedy, and Ellen Degeneres, are known for their charisma. But some of the world’s most notorious villains are known for the same quality.

Being able to harness the power of charisma, and become more likable, gives you more influence. It gives you more power – and sometimes even a platform that you can use to help others!

7 Ways to Become More Likable and Charismatic

If you want to work on your charisma and likability – never fear: it’s proven that you can easily improve you emotional and social effectiveness with a few specific communication adjustments. Here are seven ways to become more likable and charismatic.

1. Smile

Perhaps the simplest way to put others at ease and encourage authentic interactions is by smiling. The act of smiling is a powerful non-verbal communication that “speaks” volumes – before you even open your mouth. A smile immediately warms an interaction and tells your speaking partner “I am friendly. I like you, and I’m interested in what you have to say.”

There are a few stipulations, however. In order for a smile to be effective in increasing likability and charisma – it must be genuine. It’s easy to sniff out a fake smile – and a fake smile can have the opposite effect you want it to have, and actually make you less likable and trustworthy. To combat the look of “fake smiling” – make sure that when you do smile, you smile with your whole face! Your eyes should crinkle slightly, and your eyebrows may even furrow (Emilia Clarke, who plays Daenerys on Game of Thrones is well known for this! Watch this video to see what I mean).

Another stipulation (that will also help you avoid fake smiling): don’t smile if you don’t mean it. You can still come off warm and inviting without plastering a smile on your face! And if it’s not going to be a genuine smile, you’re better off not trying to force it.

2. Find the humor in everything

Another way to increase your charm and likability is by laughing – and laughing often! People who look and sound like they are enjoying themselves naturally draw others in. One of the foundational elements of being charismatic is that you are able to make OTHERS feel good – by modeling how to feel good yourself. If you want others to like you, and feel good when they’re around you, be the best example of positivity and warmth that you can!

While it’s important to find the humor in everything, and laugh often, refrain from making yourself the butt of the jokes. Self-deprecating humor is funny – but only to a point. Plus if you get in the habit of putting yourself down to make others laugh, it becomes a slippery slope quickly. Instead, focus on funny moments and memories that lift everyone up, including yourself.

3. Build people up

Speaking of lifting others up, another way to increase your likability is by complimenting and elevating others. We all know how good it feels to receive a compliment – whether from a friend, a colleague, or even a total stranger. Take it upon yourself to create more of that energy in the world by becoming a relentless bestower of compliments. (But, make sure these compliments are genuine! Don’t say something you don’t mean. Charismatic people are inherently genuine).

A great way to do this is by challenging yourself to compliment 5 people every single day. Get in the habit of doing this and notice how it makes you feel (and also how you start to attract others to you!)

4. Share the spotlight

To create more authentic, genuine connections with people, and improve your likability rating, you should do what you can to share the spotlight with others. A natural enemy to charisma is competition – when people feel like they are competing with you (for attention, a title, a promotion, or anything else), they are naturally going to feel less inclined to like you… So, you can break down these competitive feelings by making the choice to share your spotlight with others. This creates an environment of inclusivity and welcoming – which makes everyone feel good!

5. Use people’s names

A wise person once said, “there’s no sound more beautiful than the sound of one’s own name” (or something like that). People like being called by name – it makes us feel special, like we are being recognized and acknowledged by others. To become more charismatic and charming, you can use this strategy and use other people’s names as often as you can. Especially when you are in situations where you are meeting a lot of new people, going above and beyond to remember the names of your new colleagues and use them often in conversation will not go unnoticed.

6. Practice active listening

Another way to make people like and respect you even more is by giving them your full attention when you’re having a conversation. “Active listening” is truly an art form. It’s the difference between giving someone your attention, and giving them your FULL attention. And when we give someone our full attention – it makes them feel good. It makes them feel respected, appreciated, and heard. And fostering these feelings in others makes them like YOU for doing so.

7. Elevate the energy level of your interactions

The best way to become more charismatic and likable is to really take it upon yourself to bring positive energy into a room, and into every interaction you have. Positivity is a choice, and my making the choice to elevate the energy level of your own interactions, you will see how people respond positively as a result!

Charismatic people are known for walking into a room and being the “life of the party.” And while this may seem like a natural skill that they are able to turn on and off, the reality is that it takes effort! It takes commitment. So, the next time you find yourself in a social situation, do everything you can to make it seem like you’re having the time of your life. Other people will notice, and start to mirror your energy… and pretty soon it will feel authentic to you as well!

Want to learn more about how to become more charismatic and confident? Check out my best-selling book, “35 Days of Confidence.”