I get a lot of questions about the idea of “faking” confidence:

“Can confidence be faked?”

“Can confidence be learned” (The answer is YES!)

“What’s the secret to becoming more confident?”

While there’s no “short answer” to any of these questions, I will say that there’s one thing you can easily do that makes you become (and appear) more confident instantly.

And this thing is all mental – you simply have to make decision. You have to decide.

Ready? Here it is:

You have to commit to confidence.

The moment you stop committing, you falter.

Here’s an analogy: Think of the last time you went and saw a play or performance. Every person on that stage is fully committed to inhibiting and living this role that they have taken. Which is what makes theatre wonderful and allows us an audience to truly believe their actions and live in the world that they’ve created.

But imagine this – imagine that a new actor steps on stage, and he’s saying his piece but… You can tell that he’s reading lines. Rather than expressing himself, he’s reciting words. He’s not fully committed. You don’t *believe* him. And just like that, the fabric of this beautiful world that was created by a group of committed actors starts to unravel. You’re taken out of the moment. You recognize that the actor who just entered he stage isn’t “Alonzo the Great”… He’s an actor reading lines.

The same thing happens if you’re watching a show and an unexpected trip or fall happens. You’re taken out of the moment, just for an instant, because you recognize that that actor is a person who just fell down and “are they okay?” Luckily, am accidental trip is easy to recover from, and many actors and performers are able to do it with aplomb, so you snap back into the story and the imaginary world that’s been created in that performance space.

But this is the difference between fully committing, and not committing all the way. When you don’t commit, people can tell, simple as that. That’s why making the choice to commit to confidence, even when it doesn’t feel authentic, is one of the best things you can do for growth, especially in challenging circumstances.

I had an experience recently where I was exhibit A of exactly this concept. I was rehearsing for a show I just been cast in – and not just any show, my DREAM show, and my dream role IN that show. When I got the news I had been cast, I was over the moon. And then rehearsals started. A little background here, when rehearsing for a musical, which this show was, you begin with music rehearsals, so everyone can learn the music in the show, their specific parts for harmonies, and you can have a solid foundation before moving into dance, blocking, staging and all that fun stuff.

We were in the beginning of music rehearsal and it became my turn to sing what is the opener of the show, and one of my characters defining, stage-setting songs. I was nervous! To stand in front of all of my new castmates and sing this song for the first time (not that I hadn’t sung along to it in the car or in the comfort of my own home thousands of times over the course of my life) – to *prove* to them that I was worthy of this role (another self-limiting belief that plagues so many of us!) – I felt the pressure. I also hadn’t fully prepared the song – I hadn’t worked on it with my voice teacher, I hadn’t made it my own,  wasn’t fully prepared.

So long story short, what happened was a ho-hum rendition of said song. Where I “played it safe” and paced back and forth while singing without making eye contact with anyone or bringing any sort of performance value to my song.

Weak. Sauce.

And I knew it. Afterwards I felt awful. I didn’t commit.

Looking back – here’s what I would have done differently. Even though I wasn’t ready to perform this song – I would have PRETENDED like I was.

Your attitude is your armor. If you walk out and pretend to be prepared, awesome, READY, a rockstar (whatever you want!) –  other people will believe it. Perception is reality.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again many times more – you are your own biggest advocate. The moment you start believing in yourself and being confident in your abilities, other people around you will start to do the same.