There’s a stigma about failure – that it’s bad. If you fail, you lose. Right?

Wrong.

“Failures” are not failures at all. They are opportunities for learning.

“You win or you learn. There is no fail.”

And the sooner you embrace this, the better.

The moment you realize you can try and fail — and that everything will be okay — then you are free to create.

And when you’re running headfirst in the direction of your goals and dreams, it’s inevitable that along the way you will experience some sort of setback. But these setbacks, these “failures,” are a gift, because they are opportunities for improvement and learning.

How to Get Out of Your Own Way

In an interview with Success Magazine, actor Jeremy Piven explained the complex, mental game that actors encounter when trying to do their work. As an actor, you work by auditioning. By constantly putting yourself out there for the judgement of others, which, as you can imagine, is a bit of a head case.

But the real head case doesn’t happen externally – it happens internally. The challenge most actors face is that they get in their own way.

Whether that be through not preparing enough, or by preparing for the perfect audition scenario – but then taking themselves out of the moment by being too focused on the outcome, it’s easy to get tripped up.

And being too tied to a specific result is one of the worst things you can do as an actor. If you’re too focused on getting this part, or getting the job, or making sure you look good, or this or that other thing… then you can’t be present in the moment. You can’t authentically react (which is what acting is!) You can’t perform your art. And worst of all – you can come off as desperate.

As Jeremy Piven explained, when he quit worrying about a specific result, he was able to be present during his auditions. “He was able to be completely who he wanted to be. He wasn’t trying to be what he thought others wanted him to be. He performed his art.”

And that’s exactly how we should approach our biggest challenges too – by living in the moment. By trusting that we’ve done the work, we are prepared, and we will rock this.

How You Can Retrain Your Brain To Bounce Back From Failure

There is a way to stop the fear of failure in its tracks, and use that time more productively. The way to stop worrying is to embrace failure. Whatever it is that you’re worried is going to happen, whatever “failure” means to you… resolve to accept it, should it happen, and emotionally detach.

Most of the time, all of our stress and anxiety around the idea of failure stems from the “what if” spiral: going down a deep dark hole of all the bad things that could happen if we fail. But if you:

A). Define the “what if”

B). Resolve to accept it

C). Emotionally detach

…Then the stress and anxiety goes away. Failure becomes less scary, and you’re able to see it for what it is (should it happen): an opportunity for learning.

According to Robert Kegan, Harvard Psychologist, the only way to truly experience the highest levels of transformation is to detach from the need for specific outcomes.

Because the specific outcome you might be hoping for isn’t any indicator of the work that you’ve put in, and the decision you’ve made to be successful. That all comes from you. The outcome is dependent on someone else, but regardless of what that person decides, you are going to move forward. 

Because when you’re willing to stop at nothing in pursuit of your goals… you’re already winning. But, let’s take this intangible sermon and turn it into a tangible action exercise you can actually use. Shall we?

How to Practice Embracing Failure & Detaching from Outcomes

Take 5 minutes right now and think: whatever the goal is that you’re working towards – what would failure look like? What’s holding you back from diving headfirst into whatever it is that you’re pursuing?

Write it down.

A common answer is embarrassment. “If I fail, it’s going to make me look bad/incompetent/stupid.” Human beings are prideful creatures – we all are – but unfortunately pride can be a paralyzing emotion. This is an easier failure scenario to deal with, since the fear is almost all pride-based.

So what if you fail? Who cares? The only person who SHOULD care, is you. And your “failure” isn’t a death sentence; it’s a setback. It’s a dead end that you just have to reverse out of and try something else instead. What’s so scary about that?

And more so, if you “fail” and keep going, those around you will applaud you. They’ll be impressed by your resilience, which will make it all the more impressive and gratifying when you do ultimately succeed (which you will!)

Or your answer may be more about your actual livelihood, like “If I fail, I will lose hundreds or thousands of dollars.” Or “If I fail, I won’t get the promotion I’ve been working towards for years.” That’s a little harder to deal with, since it affects your income, or has repercussions on your family. But it’s not impossible. Nothing is impossible.

Come up with a backup plan. So for example, if your worst-case failure scenario is that you would lose money, spend some time saving up, creating new income streams, and finding ways to earn more now. This can be as simple as selling some items around the house you no longer use, or something that ensures a little more security, like picking up (another) job. Or resolve to dip into your savings and be totally okay with that now. The more you can do to prep yourself for this “failure,” should it happen, the less worried you’ll be that it will.

The final step is to emotionally detach. Failure is not something to be ashamed of. Because it’s not “failure” at all. And if you do fail, things will be okay. It’s all a matter of retraining your brain to think about failure as an opportunity, not as a loss.

Jeremy Piven also shared how he learned to do this in the acting world. If he didn’t get the gig, then he realized it was because he just wasn’t the right fit. You never know what the production team is looking for – and in many cases if it’s something physical (a certain look, height hair color, someone that pairs well with another cast actor), it’s so far out of your control that it’s not worth worrying or thinking twice about.

“Whether you worry or not, the world will keep turning. Life goes on.”

So you move onto the next opportunity. Learn what you can, realize it wasn’t meant to be, and something better is waiting for you. When you adopt this attitude, you will find your success is inevitable!